A life without you
by AnimeAmie
Summary: "Help me!" Butters sobbed as his pitiful cries were left unanswered.-  Butters was raped...will Kenny be able to make his pain go away? Rated M for Rape and Death scenes.


Lately, I've been watching a lot of southpark and, while I've been watching it, I've been getting some short story ideas. So, I've been writing little short stories on my favorite character-Kenny. This story is one of my first ones but I hope I wasn't, _too_, OOC lol xD

Enjoy! :D

* * *

"_Help me!" Butters sobbed as his pitiful cries were left unanswered. _

_Pinned to the alley wall, Butters' cheek rubbed against the brick with every thrust given to him by the one who raped away his innocence._

_There was a muted sound of ecstasy as his rapist came inside of Butters and released the strong hold of his victim's soft blond hair. "Fuck yeah..."_

_Butters shut his eyes tightly. "...Kenny..." he whimpered and his shoulders trembled as his stomach rolled over in agony and fear. Choking on his sobs, his knees finally buckled and Kenny pulled himself out of Butters, letting the small blond fall to the ground._

_Reluctantly Kenny turned, zipping his pants, and walked out of sight without another word._

_~0~  
_

It was midnight.

Butters lied awake in his room, staring at the wall. He couldn't sleep with the Nightmares running through his mind. His stomach made another flip and he lurched over his bedside to vomited. The smell became almost unbearable but, collapsing onto his pillow, Butters was able to ignore the stench and slip slowly back into his Nightmares.

He stayed home from school the next day and all throughout the weekend Butters stayed in his room only to get out of bed when his parents made him clean up his vomit.

* * *

When Monday came around, Butters got ready for school solemnly. His eyes were distant as he waited outside for the bus.

Kenny would be on the bus—_he always is_, Butters thought—so, limping up the bus steps, he forced his eyes to stay on the floor as he walked down the aisle to his seat. He couldn't bear it if he were to make eye contact with his rapist.

Butters was so ashamed of his limp that, when the bus came to a stop at his school and let the students off, he waited until the last kid passed his seat before he got up.

In the halls, he unfortunately came to an awkward standstill with Kenny when he noticed him surrounded by his three friends near their lockers.

Kenny watched the blond intently with little to no emotion and Butter's eyes teared. He backed away from the group of friends, wishing his locker wasn't so close to them and refusing to get anything he needed for class until they left.

"Butters!" Stan called, waving. "Where have you been, dude?"

Kyle and Stan left Cartman's ranting episode over some video game and came over to see Butters.

"Oh, H-hi guys." Butter's mumbled, constantly looking from Stan to Kyle, nervously. "I was really sick."

Stan and Kyle nodded, understanding, then lifted their ear to the bell and left Butters for class. Cartman and Kenny followed them.

Kenny looked down the hall at Butters one last time before disappearing inside the classroom.

That last bit of eye contact was all Butters needed to push him into an episode. His chest began to spasm as he hyperventilated, sick with fear and hurt. Tears rolled down his face uncontrollably and he hid in the bathroom until he was able to compose himself.

~0~

After a long day at school, Butters had decided to walk home. His limp was still noticeably sore but he needed the fresh air and didn't want to be ten feet near Kenny.

"Butters."

Butters lungs seemed to explode inside his chest, leaving him gasping for air at the unmistakable muffled voice of Kenny.

He felt Kenny's hand rest on his shoulder and immediately jerked around, knocking his hand away. "Kenny!" Was all Butters was able to let out before his voice was taken by fear. By now he was wishing he _had_ taken the bus home.

Reaching into his pocket, Kenny pulled something out and grabbed Butters hand, placing it onto his palm.

Butters eyes were locked with Kenny's until Kenny turned and walked away. After Kenny turned around a corner, Butters looked down and saw three bullet casings had been dropped into his palm.

Startled, Butters dropped them and ran down the sidewalk, crying.

* * *

Butters tried to persuade his mom to keep him from going to school ever again but he was too afraid to tell her the _real _reason behind his fear and ended up going anyway. He walked to school again, constantly looking over his shoulder, and hid in the bathrooms during any classrooms he had with Kenny.

It seemed like a good plan but Kenny was smarter than that.

While Butters was staring into the mirror, examining a bruise on his cheek, he saw Kenny in the reflection and he slowly turned to face Kenny. He was nervous but mostly disappointed that his plan for avoiding Kenny failed.

Cartman came into the bathroom moments later and Butters smiled, relieved that they weren't alone. "Hi Cartman!" He prayed Kenny wouldn't hurt him with his friend around.

Cartman ignored the boy and walked into one of the stalls.

Kenny took advantage of this and walked up to Butters. His eyes had more emotion this time; he looked angry. Jabbing his fist out, Butters flinched, expecting a punch but Kenny was holding something out for him.

Hesitating, Butters held out his palm and Kenny dropped a shard of glass into his hand.

Butters stared at the glass then looked up but Kenny was gone.

* * *

As Butters was walking home Wednesday, Kenny stopped him again only this time Butters was stronger and, when Kenny held out his fist, he smacked his hand away.

"L-leave me alone!" He cried. "Stop it! Just...s-stop it!" Butters had tears in his eyes. "I can't take this anymore! If you want to kill me then..." He couldn't finish his sentence because he didn't want to. He didn't want to die and he didn't want to get hurt again. He just wanted this all to stop. "Just s-stop! I can't take this anymore! Make it stop, Kenny!" Dropping to his knees, he sobbed into his hands.

Kenny watched Butters' episode unfold and waited until he calmed down.

Still holding the object in his hand, Kenny bent over and forced Butters' chin up to look at him. He stared at him for awhile then cocked his head and blinked, letting a few stray tears out of his eyes. "Mmmhm Mmmh mm Hm?" He asked.

"Yes!" Butters snapped. "I _do_ think you like torturing me!"

Kenny paused then pulled his hood down, revealing the rest of his face. He knelt to one knee and looked over Butters' face sadly. "I can't make it stop." He said finally. "I've tried every night." Bringing the object in his hand up into view, Butters gasped at the shine of the blade.

"I can't ever forgive myself for what I did to you." Kenny brought the knife to his own throat. "I'll never be able to stop the pain..." In one swift movement, Kenny sliced open his neck and jerked his body, spraying blood from his mouth onto Butters face.

He fell onto his back and clasped his neck, staring up at the sky until the sky became black and Butters' screams died away.

* * *

Kenny woke up the next morning, stepped out of bed, and pulled on his parka. He walked to school hoping to find Butters along the way but it appeared he had taken the bus that morning.

Sitting through each class, he ignored the teacher and spent most of his time replaying the moment he took Butters' virginity over and over in his head.

All he wanted to do was love him and be loved back.

He closed his eyes trying to blame someone other than himself for what kind of person he was. He tried blaming his parents and how badly they treated him; the beatings he got from them, the lack of love—He was introduced to sex too early, he was, too, poor to fit in properly with friends who treated him with kindness and love. Were these just pitiful excuses? _Yes_.

In the end, he could only blame himself for how fucked up he was. And he was, too, fucked up to love Butters properly or be loved in return.

~0~

Kenny found Butters walking home again.

He was holding the blade in his hand and planned to give him the latest of his suicide weapons. For some reason, Kenny hoped Butters would see how much he hated himself for what he did by giving him these tokens. But it wasn't like Butters knew he ever died using the different things he gave him everyday. _It isn't like these stupid gifts can change the past_, Kenny thought bitterly.

He dropped the blade in Butters hand, who was staring at him with hate. He was stronger than yesterday and Kenny seemed to feel better inside when he saw Butters getting stronger. He hoped that one day he would heal and become that boy that Kenny had loved.

But since when did Kenny ever get what he wanted?

Butters looked down at the knife and back at Kenny with tears in his eyes. "You'll never stop." He scowled. "You'll never leave me alone!"

Kenny didn't want to leave Butters and couldn't imagine not being able to see him everyday.

"I can't take this! I can't! What did I ever do to you!"

Kenny teared up.

"Fine! I'll give you what you want!..." Butters' eyes softened after that, his hand was shaking and tears where clouding his vision. "...Just, please,...make this all go away." He whispered and, in a flash, Kenny's suicide weapon was protruding from Butters' chest.

Kenny was shocked as he watched his love drop to his knees and spit blood onto the stomach of his orange parka.

Hands trembling, Kenny reached out and tangled his fingers into Butters' hair before dropping to his knees. He pulled the small blond into his arms and let his tears drip onto Butters' bloody shirt.

Butters gagged on the blood and sobbed, gripping Kenny's parka. "No...no...no..." He repeated, scared. "Kenny...no...Kenny, help me!" He sputtered, frantic. He was second guessing his mistake...but it was too late. Kenny couldn't help Butters.

Kenny pulled down his hood; a painful knot in his throat made his voice hoarse. "Don't be scared, Butters...I'm here." He cupped his love's face and cradled him close as he stared into his eyes with a small endearing smile. "Don't be scared. Everything's going to be alright." He wished that were true but unlike himself...Butters was never coming back.

Butters' eyes faded during Kenny's ramblings of sweet words and the grip on his parka became limp.

He laid his Butters down on the sidewalk and turned to throw up in the grass.

Taking the blade from Butters' chest, Kenny laid beside him on the sidewalk. "A life without you..." He said softly. "Is truly the hell I deserve." And he plunged the knife into his chest, holding Butters' hand as he went to sleep...


End file.
